Living Every Day Like My Last

This whole COVID-19 mess has really done a number on me, like everyone else. At first I was like, “oh, something’s going on in China,” then I was like, “oh, there’s a few cases in the United States,” and then it got closer to home where grocery store shelves started being empty and people were being laid off from work, everyone had to wear masks and schools were being shut down and I had to figure out what my 9th grader was going to do and how this was going to affect my job. So many questions! 

Now that we are experiencing a new normal of “social distancing” and “mandatory mask wearing” out in public and automatically looking for hand sanitizer anywhere we go, I guess I don’t feel as anxious and uncertain as I have for the past 4 months. However, new issues are coming up for me. 

My once outgoing, chatty, bubbly personality has changed into a bit of a hermit. I no longer can go to the movies, which is a huge part of my social life, I don’t really want to invite people over to my house for fear of me not cleaning enough for other’s expectations or for fear that someone hasn’t completely disinfected themselves and I just feel an overwhelming sense of meh. 

So today, I declare, that I no longer want to feel meh. I’ve spent long enough holing myself up in my own little cave, trying to protect myself from everyone and everyone from me. I will do my part and wash my hands, sanitize the things that I touch as much as I possibly can and I will wear my mask when I’m out in public. The thing is, there is so much more life for me to live. If today is the last day, then I’m not going to be happy. I have a college degree to finish, I have to hike a 14er, I want to build my yurt on some land here in Colorado, I want to get a dog, I want to get married again someday, I want to travel to Europe and eat more delicious food and enjoy great music and see beautiful art and scenery. I want to watch my son graduate from high school, go to college, get married and have babies of his own...and so much more.

In the past few years, since my divorce, I have been trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is. I’m trying to get healthier because, unfortunately, I have developed several major health problems, some stemming from age, but most from ignoring how awful I felt because I was too busy taking care of everyone else and putting other’s needs before my own. But you know what? I’m running out of time! Most of us don’t know how much time we have left on this earth but I refuse to just sit back and watch my life flash before my eyes, I don’t want to live with regret, especially not taking care of myself mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and even financially. 

So, today I commit to myself to live a fuller, happier, less cluttered and complicated life, where my health takes priority and where I surround myself with loving, happy, positive, compassionate people. Where I spend time exploring, learning, relaxing, making & creating, whether it’s food, travel, loving more openly & fiercely and finding freedom and appreciating the beauty that surrounds me every day in people and in nature. Peace of mind, health of body and joy of spirit to you all. Live every day like it’s your last.